Do Men Like Skinny Women?

I sent out a newsletter asking what you wanted me to survey men about, and the most common request was, “Do men like skinny women?”

There’s some important context here. I specialize in helping naturally skinny women get into better shape, so our newsletter is full of naturally skinny women. Most of these questions were coming from women wondering whether their figures were too skinny to be attractive, not from average women wondering if they should diet down to become skinny.

If you’re wondering if you should diet down to become skinny—actually skinny—the answer is very clearly no. It won’t be easy, healthy, or pleasant, and you’ll probably look worse. But that changes for people like us, who are naturally very thin. This is our natural way of being, and it’s often difficult for us to gain weight.

Different people carry their weight differently, too. Even at the same low BMI, one woman might look pleasantly “thin” while another looks malnourished and “skinny.” I’ve looked at thousands of progress photos, and in my experience, naturally thinner women tend to have slenderer bone structures and are more likely to suit being on the lighter side.

But let’s go through the survey results, and then the research, and then figure out some practical recommendations.

The First Survey

I started by drawing the same woman with a bunch of different body shapes. Then I sent out a survey to our male newsletter, and I collected just over a thousand responses (full article here). The illustrations weren’t in order, and they weren’t labelled. I showed men a spread of drawings and asked, “which body shape do you find the most attractive?”

Let’s start by varying the amount of muscle, keeping other signs of health the same: same skin health, posture, bone structure, etc.

When forced to choose just one option, most people—male and female—preferred the “strong” body shape. When I let people choose more than one body shape, most men said that the thinner “athletic” body shape was attractive, too. However, only 6% of men found the skinniest body shape attractive.

That doesn’t mean men don’t like skinny women, just that they don’t like skinniness. You can be tremendously attractive and skinny, it’s just that the skinniness won’t add to your attractiveness, and you may lose some points for it.

To give you an analogy, think of a guy like Timothée Chalamet. He’s attractive and skinny, but he isn’t attractive because he’s skinny. Men don’t get attractiveness points for being frail or weak. But Chalamet is more than just his skinniness, and he more than makes up for it by being impressive in many other ways.

Even when looking purely at a skinny figure, without considering the woman’s face, personality, style, or anything else, there are still quite a lot of other things on display. She may have great skin, or nice breasts, feminine hip bones, an alluring odour, a thin waist, or any number of other attractive traits. Men don’t expect women to be perfect.

Anyway, let’s move on. Next, I drew women with varying amounts of fat. Again, I tried to keep all other health markers the same.

When forced to pick just one body shape, most people chose the woman with an “athletic” body fat percentage. It’s an impressively low body fat percentage, but she isn’t so lean that it would cause any health problems. She’s at the low end of the healthy range.

When I let men select as many body shapes as they wanted, two thirds added in the plus-size woman, and half added in the average woman. Only 6% selected the very obese woman.

So, from these two spreads, I think what we’re seeing is that men prefer women with an athletic amount of muscle mass and an athletic body fat percentage. But of those two factors, having an athletic amount of muscle matters far more. If you’ve got an athletic amount of muscle, it’s okay if you’re a bit too lean or a bit too fat.

The Second Survey

I sent out another survey to another 600 guys. This time, instead of using illustrations, I asked them written questions. A little over half of guys said that they would prefer the figure of a slightly overweight woman over that of a slightly underweight woman.

Historically, having a little bit of extra fat was like having a bit of extra money in your savings account. It was energy you could use during hard times. It was an asset. However, being overweight implies that you have too much fat. I tried to be clear in the question that both versions of this hypothetical woman were slightly outside of the healthy range.

I also showed them another spread of illustrations, just to see how it lined up with the previous survey:

78% of men chose the woman with the more athletic build. 13% chose the skinny woman. 9% chose the overweight woman. All of the women look somewhat healthy, but the one in the middle exudes tremendous health, and she won by a landslide.

Finally, I asked them which female celebrities had their favourite figures (full article). I thought that would be the best way to see what their ultimate preference was.

Guys could write in whoever they wanted, and 41 of them wrote in Sydney Sweeney, earning her more votes than any other actress. She isn’t underweight or skinny, but she’s fairly thin. She has fairly narrow hip bones, too, which is common for naturally thinner women. Men obviously don’t mind that.

The Research

I recently went specifically through the research on skinniness spoke with some of the researchers, including Dr. Frederick. He surveyed 60,000 Americans, asking them their weight, height, and a few questions about their love lives (study).

First, we can look at how BMI affects the number of sexual partners a woman has:

• Skinny Women (<18.5 BMI): 8 sexual partners
• Normal Weight Women (18.5–25 BMI): 10 sexual partners
• Overweight Women (25–30 BMI): 10 sexual partners
• Obese Women (30–34.9 BMI): 11 sexual partners
• Very Obese Women (35–40 BMI): 10 sexual partners

Some people interpret this to mean that skinny women aren’t able to sleep with as many men, but that isn’t usually how these things work. The average woman isn’t trying to sleep with as many men as possible. You wouldn’t want to equate a higher partner count with better success.

Here are two hypotheticals:

• Perhaps skinny women are more attractive, making them better able to stay in happy relationships for longer (or forever), thus reducing how many men they sleep with.
• People often become underweight because of underlying physical or psychological health problems. Maybe skinny women are more likely to have health conditions that reduce their libido.

Better to look at other metrics instead.

Here’s how women’s BMI affected their chances of being single:

• Skinny Women (<18.5 BMI): 11% were single
• Normal Weight Women (18.5–25 BMI): 10% were single
• Overweight Women (25–30 BMI): 10% were single
• Obese Women (30–34.9 BMI): 11% were single
• Very Obese Women (35–40 BMI): 12% were single
• Extremely Obese Women (40+ BMI): 16% were single

The study was large enough—60,000 participants—that a 1% difference in the chance of being single has a good chance of being a real effect. If it is, then skinny women are in the same boat as obese women. But even if true, the main takeaway here is that BMI doesn’t have much impact on women’s romantic success.

To put those numbers into context, men with a BMI under 21 had a 21% chance of being single, and men with a BMI of 21–23 had a 15% chance of being single. Those numbers suggest that men who are even slightly thin—even while being at a healthy body weight—have more trouble dating than extremely obese women. We aren’t seeing that effect with thinner women, even when they’re clinically underweight.

Personal and Client Experiences

Running a business like this means that I’m mainly interacting with the subset of thin women who don’t want to be thin anymore. They want more womanly curves, more strength and athleticism, and better energy. They want to get into better shape. That’s why they sign up for our newsletter and join our weight-gain program.

Some of them are being picked on in high school for being bony. Some are trying to get into killer shape after tough breakups. But most are already in relationships with guys who find them attractive. Many of them are wives and mothers. Some of them are older women who have been married for many decades.

Even among skinny women who are sick of being skinny, I’m not seeing a crisis of them having trouble with men.

That’s my wife, Cassandra. On the right, she’s in her early thirties, after we’d gotten married, shortly after having a kid. On the left, she’s 24 and underweight. That was right before we met. That’s the photo that made me want to go on a date with her.

When I showed up for our date, she had already gained 20 pounds! She’d been feeling unhealthy, so she had spent the past few months working out and eating a more nutritious, higher-calorie diet that suited her better. I was blown away by how much healthier she looked.

That’s the sort of story I hear from clients. Their dating lives are fine, and their boyfriends and husbands find them plenty attractive. But then when they get into better shape, their partners love it and throw all kinds of compliments at them.

So, Do Men Like Skinny Women?

I think what’s going on is that, no, men don’t like skinniness. But it’s unlikely to be a dealbreaker. Most men care far more about other things, including your overall health (full article). That means that if you’re thin/skinny but still give off the impression of being in great health, then the health wins—it looks great.

When I was asking men which celebrities had the most attractive physiques, it was pretty common for them to write in the names of thin female athletes, including Gabby Thomas (above). I think she’s 5’10 and 130 pounds in that photo, giving her a BMI of just under 19. She’s at the very lower limit of what’s considered a healthy body weight. And it suits her well. She looks radiantly healthy. There’s nothing wrong with being thin or having a slimmer bone structure.

If we go back to the research, most men prefer the appearance of women on the thinner side of the healthy range, with a BMI of 19–23 (Swami 2005, Swami 2006, Frederick 2008). This is true for men all across the world, suggesting that the preference runs deeper than culture.

I wouldn’t worry about trying to change your body type. But it does help to build a healthier and more athletic physique. The extra muscle will look great, but you’ll also get a ton of other health benefits, many of which will be visible. You’ll develop firmer skin, a more radiant glow, better posture, and a more graceful gait.

I also asked men whether they preferred women with naturally good figures or women who had to work hard to keep themselves in good shape:

It seems that (at least on a conscious level) men are looking for signs of good work ethic, not just good genetics. Or maybe these guys exercise, so they’re looking for a woman who shares that common interest.

I asked the same question to women, and they answered the same way. Most women preferred men who work hard to keep themselves in good shape. (The male and female answers were pretty similar on all of these questions, actually. We seem to want fairly similar things from each other.)

I don’t doubt that having good genetics is a boon. At the very least, it makes all of this easier. But it’s nice to know that being in good shape doesn’t need to come naturally. Working hard for it seems to be appreciated even more.