Musclenog—The All-Natural Weight-Gainer Recipe

A few weeks from now, as you warm yourself by the hearth, you notice something growing tighter, firmer, bigger. Your living room is already packed full of merriment and there’s no room for anything more, least of all your growing stomach. But it is the holiday season—a time for feasting and family—and these things have been known to happen.

Will you need to undo a button?

If you’re worried that the answer may be “yes,” you may have stumbled upon the wrong blog.

No, it’s not your stomach. This is Bony to Bombshell. Something else is making your jeans feel tight. Something… good.

You flee from the room, knowing what’s about to happen. After all, you’d been warned. You see, I’m warning you right now, giving you plenty of time to prepare.

No, it’s not your stomach growing. It’s the rest of you. It’s everything but your stomach. And with every sip of your holiday musclenog, you can feel your clothing growing tighter. So you run, knowing that your jeans were never meant for a body this powerful. You also know that it will probably be the backside of your jeans that bursts first. That’s always the first place to burst.

You make it to your room just as your jeans are tearing open. You open your purse. You’ve got a new, larger, stretchier pair of pants ready for just this occasion. You slip them on, thanking Santa for getting you exactly what you wanted this year.

As you walk back down the stairs, a hush falls. You know what they’re thinking. You see the wonder and suspicion on their faces. How can a naturally thin woman grow so quickly? She can’t be real. Steroids? Implants?!

They flock to you, full of questions, desperate for their piece of this yuletide miracle.

“How did you do it?!”

“What’s your secret?!”

“Well,” you tell them, “It all started with this musclenog recipe I found on the Bony to Bombshell Blog.”

And yes, it’s true. In this article we’re going to give you an all-natural weight-gainer recipe that tastes like eggnog, rompope, pure power—whatever you want to call it. Not only will it allow you to build muscle at an alarming rate, it will also make it far easier to eat enough calories to gain weight. And it’s even seasonal!

Now speaking more scientifically about muscle growth…

A new study just came out showing that whole eggs stimulate more muscle growth than egg whites per calorie. That’s a peculiar finding, as egg whites contain so much more protein per calorie than whole eggs. Moreover, the researchers don’t even know why. They make some guesses, but they fully admit to not knowing the answer yet.

What’s funny about this is that bodybuilders, fitness models and health aficionados popularized removing the yolks from eggs. It became so popular that we can now buy cartons of egg-whites at the grocery store.

From a health perspective, the idea was that dietary cholesterol intake must be positively correlated with our cholesterol levels, so keeping our cholesterol intake low would improve our heart health. Over the past couple of decades, that idea has come under question (being largely proven false). And so egg-white omelettes have become less and less popular.

This article is about is the body composition aspect, though. After all, the egg-white omelette was the favourite breakfast of bodybuilders and fitness models. Scrambled egg whites even made an appearance a few years ago in Tim Ferriss’ New York Times best-selling book, The 4-Hour Body.

(And no fault to him for not knowing about the value of yolks. This research came out after his book.)

Anyway, now researchers are discovering that if you leave the yolks in the eggs, you’ll improve your body’s ability to build muscle.

First point being: whole eggs are amazing for building muscle.

It gets weirder, though.

A study from a couple years ago found that the same thing is true with milk.

Even though whole milk has less protein per calorie compared to skim milk, for some reason it builds noticeably more muscle. And again, the researchers have no idea why this is. There are guesses, but again, nothing conclusive.

It’s a mystery.

Second point being: whole milk is amazing for building muscle. 

There’s one obvious conclusion to draw. It’s the fat, right? But that’s not it. If anything, protein and carbs are better for muscle growth overall. This is fairly well established at this point. So what gives? Why are whole milk and whole eggs allowing people to build far more muscle?

Well, I don’t have an answer for you.

We’ll need to wait and see.

But while we wait, let’s sip on musclenog so that come Christmas time, you’re putting on those larger jeans.

Here’s why it works so well:

  • Whole eggs are magic for building muscle.
  • Whole milk is magic for building muscle.
  • Eggs and milk are both high in protein.
  • Smoothies/shakes allow you to consume more calories without feeling as full
  • And even the flavourings (honey, cinnamon, cloves, etc) are healthy.

Now, be mindful that this is a shake designed to go alongside weightlifting. It’s going to allow you to gain weight and build muscle, but you still need your training program to direct all these amazing nutrients towards your muscles.

Otherwise you’re just going to wind up undoing a button instead of taking that new, larger pair of jeans out of your purse.

Nutrition Information

Calories: 730 (!!!)
Protein: 41 grams
Carbs: 57 grams
Fats: 39 grams

Just looking at the massive calorie count and high protein, you’re probably already starting to see why this shake is so effective.

Ingredients

2 cups whole milk
3 large whole eggs
2 tablespoons honey
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon cloves
1/8 teaspoon cinnamon

That will give you all of the calories and protein listed above.

Note that the recipe is made up entirely of whole foods, making it lightyears ahead of most commercial weight-gainers.

And remember that whole milk and whole eggs both build muscle even better than their nutrition breakdown would predict.

Feel free to creative with it, too. For example:

For the wild:
2 ounces rum (optional)

For extra probiotics and protein:
1/4 cup Greek yoghurt (optional)

Instructions

  1. Add the ingredients to a blender.
  2. Blend for 10–20 seconds.

But wait, you might be thinking… these eggs are raw!

Yes. And so drinking this muscle-building concoction is something that you’ll ultimately have to do at your own risk. There’s a long-standing tradition of using raw eggs in various recipes, including cocktails, but also in day-to-day stuff, such as when you have your eggs cooked over easy (where part of the egg is still raw). Some rebellious children even dare to eat raw brownie batter.

Still, that doesn’t guarantee that it’s safe.

How safe are raw eggs? In the 1990’s The Centre for Disease Control (CDC) estimated that about 1 in 20,000 eggs is contaminated with salmonella. Over the past 20 years, food safety standards have improved a great deal. (Mind you, this depends on where you live.)

You could go a lifetime of having raw eggs every day and still have a good chance of never getting salmonella. But if you’re sick or elderly, and you fear that a little salmonella might mean more than an afternoon of having an iffy stomach, you might want to take extra precautions.

Most importantly of all, we’re great at building muscle, not at playing doctors or risk analysts on the internet. As with everything you see on this blog: enjoy at your own risk.

Recommendations

If the holiday season gets busy and you’re struggling to get all of your calories or protein in, have a glass of musclenog. 

If you wish your husband could have helped you carry the Christmas tree inside, but you had to do it all by yourself, give him a glass of musclenog.

If you want to carry the Christmas tree inside all by yourself, with one hand, have two glasses of musclenog. 

Or you’ve never even heard of eggnog or rompope, and/or you celebrate a different holiday, but you’ve always been curious about how Santa could possible gain so much weight while doing a literally physically impossible amount of exercise each year, try a glass of musclenog.

But remember that you need to lift weights. Otherwise the musclenog will make you look like Santa, not Aomi:

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1 Comment

  1. Gina on December 27, 2017 at 2:44 pm

    Does this program have a maintenance guide for what to do when you’ve reached your goals? Also, can it be tailored and is there advice given to reach different types of aesthetic goals (bikini competitor, fitness model, victorias secret type leanness etc?) Thanks!

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